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When I grew up in the 1990s, officials gave the impression that income inequality based on sex could be tackled by telling girls that anything was possible. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that structural and social impediments would crumble before my self-confidence.

Experts have since refuted the idea that a person can transform their existence through optimistic thoughts. An author, in his publication Selfie, explains how the capitalist fallacy of equal opportunities fuels much of self-help culture.

Yet, there is a part of me that still believes that if I work hard and create a sturdy vision board, I ought to realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future is me. What is the path to a point of equilibrium, an equilibrium between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Solution Resides in Self-Effacement

The solution, as stated by Saint Augustine, a North African Catholic bishop, is humility. He noted that modesty served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for someone seeking God “the initial step requires modesty; the next, meekness; the last, lowliness”.

As someone who left the church such as myself, the word “humility” can evoke various unpleasant feelings. My upbringing occurred at a time in religious history when caring about your looks was considered vain; sexual desire was deemed improper apart from having children; and just thinking about masturbation was deemed a transgression.

I don’t think that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but throughout much of my life, I confused “modesty” with guilt.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Self-Loathing

Being humble, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, is not about despising yourself. A person with balanced humility is proud of their abilities and successes while admitting that learning never ends. The psychiatrist defines multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; respect for elders and youth; openness to learning; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; appreciation for others’ wisdom; modesty in the face of wonder; and compassion in pain.

Mental health investigations has also identified numerous advantages stemming from intellectual humility, including enhanced endurance, acceptance and relatedness.

Modesty at Work

Through my profession providing emotional care in aged care, I now think about humility as the practice of being present to the other. Modesty is an act of re-grounding: returning, breath by breath, to the ground I stand on and the individual across from me.

Certain individuals who share with me identical stories from their lives, over and over again, whenever we meet. In place of monitoring time, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What can I learn from this person and the stories that have stayed with them while other things faded?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “creative quietude”. Thinkers from Taoism urge individuals to calm the identity and live aligned to the natural order.

This might be especially relevant amid efforts to restore the destruction people have inflicted upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs explains that being humble enables us to reunite with “the inner creature, the creature that quakes in the face of the unknown". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of ignorance, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Grace of Humility

There exists an emptiness and despair that comes with assuming no limits exist: triumph – be it attaining riches, shedding pounds, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty allows for dignity and setbacks. I am humble, rooted in the earth, implying I have everything I need to grow.