Those Advice from My Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to communicate between men, who still internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."